Corporate Lessons

 

CORPORATE LESSON 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the! $ 800 he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!

 

CORPORATE LESSON 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologised. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!

 

CORPORATE LESSON 3

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.  "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

CORPORATE LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys, Russian President Putin, Germany's Chancellor Kohl, American President George Bush and French Premiere Chirac who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.  Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French Premiere Chirac wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy

swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian President Putin turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is America's George Bush . He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "

MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.

CORPORATE LESSON 5

A Sales Engineer, a Deputy Manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager Deputy Manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the Sales Engineer could not keep quiet and shouted. "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch ".

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always allow the boss to speak first!